Cirno's Perfect Fanfiction
by Mega Dan
Summary: Chen's afternoon activities are interrupted by a surprise package from Cirno.


I was a total Wizardry fan, much like everyone else in the world. Maybe not really but I'll go ahead ahd make up the worlds mind for them. I like the newer games but the classics are pretty good too. Anyway, I was playing Torawareshi Tamashii no Meikyū on my xbox one, because I liked to explode the dungeons in it when out of the corner of my eye I sad that the mailman had come to put the mail in the mail box as he does every day. I thought that was kinda odd because the house was supposed to be in hell or an alternate dimension or something. I dunno, it's called house of the scarlet devil so I guess I had just assumed. Whatever. Anyway the mailman had delivereded them ails. I got up from the kotatsu where I had my kawaii pinku bento and went to get the mail. When I got there there was a box stuffed into the mail box and it was dripping blood. I thought that maybe somebody had emailed us another exploded horse heart again or something but then I noticed the writing on the box. It was cirno's hand writing. I know because Cirno's my friend. Don't think you know something about Cirno that I don't, she's my pal. Anyway I opened the box, and what I saw inside was super scary because it was a horn but it was all bloody. There was a note in the box too that was written by Cirno, and it said "Dearest Chen, this is a horn that is covered in blood. If it is honked hyper realistic blood will come out so don't do it. Destroy it, lest Stephen Balmer show up at the mansion and start shouting about developers while you're trying to sleep." I thought that it was a super cools tory, and took the horn inside. When I got back to the xbone I tired to finish playing wizardry but the game wouldn't work because I had used my hour of time that Microsoft was allowing me since I moved the console from my bedroom to the living room and the kineckt camera thought it was a new house and it locked me out and I lost my saves. "Cheeeeeeen" I signed in defeat. I don't remember what I was going to write right here, there's a bug on the window and it broke my concentration, and then I spilled my crisps. Fuck. That's about the same time that Sakuya came into the living room and told me that I had to clean up all of the crisps because it would atrack ants. So instead of doing it I took that horn that I got from Cirno, and I pointed it at Sakuya. "Chen there is no honking inside of the mansion, it's not proper" Sakuya said to me but I don't give a single fuck and I honked the horn. At first nothing happened so I honked it again and again. As the honking intensified there was some kind of hyper realistic blood starting to spray out of the horn. It looked exactly like real blood but escpecially so because it was hyper realistic. The blood got all over Sakuya. "Eeeeep" Sakua shouted "Chen you baka, now there is blood all over the living ro…" but before Sakuya could finish her sentence she suddenly began to transorm as if a wizard had done it, except nobody here is a wizard because the mansion is full of maids who are also alldemon witches. Like seriously if you came to visit you would be like "Where is john?" but you wouldn't find him because men aren't allowed to live here because it's girls allowed because boyz are gross, and also because john would the demons. Anyway Sakuya suddenly transmogrified into a Juggalo. "Cheeeeeeen" I squeeked when I saw the terrible thing that had happened. "Fucking Rainbows, how do they work?" the thing wearing Sakuya's skin asked. I tried to explain it to her that when there is moisture in the air like afater ir is rained and the light hits the air…I didn't have time to finish "Wtf che scientist now? All you mother fuckers are lying, and now I'm pissed." The dreaded Sakuya thing shouted at me and then started throwing hatchets all over the living room. Just then Twilight Sparkle burst into the room and picked up a xbox controller in her mouth. "Who wants to play some Kinect Sports 2?" she neighed, trotting slowly towards Chen. Chen screamed in primal fear and honked her horn as loud as she could, just then a torrent of blood and gibs flew out of the thing and drenched the pony. Twilight Sparkle dropped the xbox controller and started trying to clean the blood out of her fur but it was too late, her beautiful purple coat had been stained red with the blood of innocents. And then suddenly her face morphed into a strange clown shape and her tears turned into lemon-lime Faygo, which was acidic and started burning through the mansion's floor. Chen honked the horn again in the direction of the Juggapony and more blood sprayed out at Twilight Sparkle, this time mixed with pus and vomit, but the blood-red Juggalo pony was able to deflect the vile rain with her Faygomancy. "Rot in hell!" Chen shouted, throwing the forbidden horn at the pony, but it just bounced off like the bloody spray. "Hell?" Twilight Sparkle cackled and galloped over to the TV. "Xbox, On" she said calmly. Just then the Xbox One powered on and the Kinect scanned the room, detecting both Chen and the Juggalo pony. "WARNING: Two players detected, you have not paid for a two-player license, please insert $59.99 for a second copy of the game." Twilight Sparkle grinned an evil grin and spoke in solemn tones "You're already in hell!" Chen fell to the floor in tears "Nooooooooooooooooo~". I got on my tricycle and started to pedal away very fast from wher she was to some other place. As I was trying to flee though pastchulio was in the way in the hall. I stopped pedaling the tricycle and patchouli said that she had seen the whole thing and that it was "Awesojme chen, do it again!" so I honked the horn again [Honk Honk} the horn went and then Paschuri was a juggalo too and said that she had to go because she could hear the loons and needed to eat magnets or something. I kept pedaling really fast on the tricycle because the sakuya jugalo had exploded from the wall into the hallwak and said she was the cool aid man, and she had to drink my deliceos chen blood. Then I pedaled the tricycle down the hall very fast dodging hatchets and magnets and magnets stuck to the hatches. As I rounded the corner of the hall on my sweet tricycle I saw marisa looking into the hal l from a crack in her door. Then a second later there was a loud explosion that shook the whole mansion. I pedaled the tricycle very quicly back to where the explosion was and I saw that the sakuya jugalo was exploded, and there was blod and bloody body parts all over the place because Marisa had exploded her with a c3 bomb. I was really relieved to see that the juggalo was gone so I took the horn out of my poket and honked it in celebration. More of the hyper realistic blood started to spray all over the place and then marissa was the jugalos too. "Oh shit chen do you know where a juggalo can get a faygo around here?" but I didn't know what that was because we don't even have faygo in japan, so I told her there was no faygos but if she went to the united states she'd probably be able to buy one but that she'd better take a gun because americans are all crazy and have guns and shoot everything that moves, so then she exploded herself with another c3 bomb. Bits of marissa got all over my trycicle and bonnet and it was really gross. "Cheeeeeeen" I said as I pedaled to the water closet to try and wash the Marissa bits off of my uniform. After I cleaned up I decided that shit was way beyond fubar, and that I was going to go and smoke weed. As I was leaving the mansion I met with Hong Meiling at the gate. She was supposed to be watching it but I guess she felt asleep or something because our truck must have started to move and it wasn't in the parking lot anymore. I guess one of the juggalos that wasn't exploded must have taken it. "I should probably wake her up" I thought to myself so I honked the horn again, and then Meiling was the juggalos. "Cheeeeeeen" I said as I suddenly realized that it was the horn that turning everbody into the jiggalos. "Hello little Chen, what are you doing today?" the Meiling Juggalo asked. "I'm going to the store to smoke weed" I said. "That's Illegal chen, you will be jail" "Cheeeeeeen" I had thought to myself, being in jail wasn't a thing that I wanted to ever do again. I was in jail one time because I stole a guys horse, and the police caught me and said "Stop, you've violated the law" and I had to go because I didn't have enough golds to pay the courts the fine. Just then NBA Great Charles Barkley showed up and super slammed the Meiling Juggalo. "Thank you Charles Barkley!" I said greatfully. "It's no problem Chen, but that Juggalo was right, you shouldn't smoke weed every day, or any day. Weed is illegal and you could go to jail, and that would hurt your family." Charles Barkley is a pretty smart guy, I thought to myself. Instead Charles and I rode to the store on my tricycle, and traded the bloody horn for a pack of parliament lights, and a copy of halo 17. When we got back to the mansion I put the game in the xbone, and it said that I couldn't play it because it was in someone elses house and that there were too many people in the room. "Balmer-kun, you god damned asshole!"


End file.
